


Flooded

by dara3008



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Buck needs a hug, Chris being the best, Coda, Cuddles, Episode Related, Gen, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Tsunami, Pre-Slash, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-07 23:03:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21465988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dara3008/pseuds/dara3008
Summary: Buck feels like he failed both Chris and Eddie after the Tsunami. The Diaz Boys are there to prove him wrong.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Pre-Relationship - Relationship
Comments: 25
Kudos: 434





	Flooded

**Author's Note:**

> Just an Episode Coda for 3x03 really.  
Formerly posted on tumblr.

Buck doesn't really remember much, after nearly collapsing into Bobby and Chim. He remembers seeing Eddie with Christopher, hugging him tightly. Remembers the knee-weakening relief that rushed through him, quickly followed by such deep shame that it took his breath away. 

Oh god, he lost him. He had him. He _had _him and then let him slip away because he was too busy playing hero, too busy crying for his old life, too busy _not watching this kid, that means the world to him_. 

He fell, Bobby, Chim and Hen holding him up. 

He doesn't remember how he got home. He just remembers Eddie leaving, getting Christopher checked out and he wanted to go with them so badly, but they wouldn't let him. They just wouldn't _let _him. And if he was being honest with himself at that moment, he would have realised that Eddie probably wouldn't have wanted him anywhere near them.

He _lost _him.

What he knows is that he's in his bed - alone, always alone nowadays - hand clenched into the front of his shirt. His breathing is erratic and he feels his head getting lighter and lighter. _ Christopher_. He can't stop thinking his name. Can't stop hearing his own voice shouting it for hours on end. _ Christopher, Christopher, Christopher_. Tears start to leak out of his eyes and he can't contain the sobs, but he tries to. He tries to because he's fumbling blindly for his phone, punching the contact, always the first one he finds and holds it to his ear. He tries to slow his breathing, tries to calm down, at least enough to be coherent to- "Eddie."

"_Buck is everything-_"

"Please." The word tumbles out, harsh and breathless. "Please Eddie, I know you don't want to hear from me, but please tell me he's okay. Please, I just need to know that he's okay, I-"

"_Buck, what-_" Eddie's voice sounds tired, exhausted and something like a whimper rises in Buck's chest. His fault. Everything is his fault. "_Christopher? Of course, he is okay. You know this. He's asleep right next to me._" He's whispering, that's why he's whispering.

"Oh thank god." He presses his eyes shut, more tears flowing down his cheeks, as he lets out a sob. "Oh thank god. I am so sorry, I-"

"_Buck, are you crying?_" Eddie's voice sounds worried, but Buck's too scared to hope it's meant for him.

"I'm fine." He presses out, voice brittle, but no more sobs escape. "I'm sorry. I just needed- I needed to be sure. I'm sorry."

"_Bu- Evan._" Eddie's voice grows a little louder and another faint whimper jumps into Buck's throat. "_Why are you- wait, no, hold on-_"

His heart slows down dramatically when the line goes dead. Buck's chest squeezes tight, his eyes relaxing, not in relief but resignation. Eddie hung up. Doesn't matter. Shaking his head, Buck lets the phone fall somewhere onto the bed. Christopher is okay. No matter how much Eddie has to hate him now, he wouldn't lie about that. He wouldn't.

Christopher is okay. He's asleep at home. He's _fine. _

Muffled sobs fill his apartment as Buck curls up on his side, arms crossed over his stomach, fingers clenched. He can't stop them anymore, can't calm down, can't do anything but cry.

But it doesn't matter that he's alone. Christopher is okay, he's with Eddie, they are both fine. And Buck will make sure it stays that way by staying as far away from them as possible. The kid already had to see him in the worst situations, it will be better to stay away.

He doesn't know how long he cries for, but at some point, his body gives out, no adrenaline left to speak of. He drifts off, straight into another nightmare. 

This one doesn't have the mercy to wake him.

-

_ Images crash into him in a jarring onslaught. A second of Christopher in his arms, a funeral with a tiny coffin. Sitting next to Eddie on his couch, standing behind him, his back to Buck, never turning. Water. So much water. Bodies swimming in it, lifeless and cold. Him swimming, trying to get to Christopher, but never coming closer. Running around screaming his name. Telling Eddie that he lost him, that he killed his son. He vaguely hears someone screaming. It might be him. _

_ He doesn't wake up for hours and hours and hours. _

_ Until he does, with a gasp. _

-

A hand is frantically shaking his shoulder and Buck flinches away from it, Christopher's name on his lips. Disoriented, he blinks his eyes open, sees nothing but water, and whimpers.

"Buck!"

Buck tries to curl up, but a hand is pulling on his arm and there's a small hand in his hair, patting it down against his head. "Bucky?" 

"Buck, wake up." The voices sound worried. Everyone sounds so worried, of course, there's water everywhere, there's- "Evan." His arm gets pulled down, a bigger hand pushing his hair back and settling on the side of his neck.

He blinks, tears pushing out. Is he still crying? Or is he crying _again_? There's that small hand again, rubbing over his cheeks gently, wiping the drops away. "Chris?" His voice sounds raw, misused. It hurts to speak, but his mind slowly focuses again and he zeroes in on the boy next to him. "Chris." Lightheadedness rushes through him as he sits up to pull the kid closer. "Christopher. You're okay. You're fine." He mutters, arms squeezing tight, but mindful not to hurt. 

"I'm okay." The tiny voice says and he feels hands patting his back. "You don't have to cry anymore."

The wet chuckle sounds tired and simply sad. "I'm sorry. I can't stop."

"That's okay." Chris settles into his arms. "Daddy says not to bottle your emotions," he says with all the wisdom he can muster.

_ Daddy_.

"Eddie?" Raising his head from where it was resting on Christopher's, Buck blinks up at Eddie, who is watching them with a sad look on his face. "What-" His voice breaks and he clears his throat, arms never loosening. "What are you doing here?"

"What am doing here?" A disbelieving little laugh leaves Eddie and he slowly sits down on the corner of Buck's bed, hand coming to rest on the back of Chris' head. "We were worried. That's what we're doing here. You called, clearly in a panic and-"

"I'm sorry." Reluctant to let go, Buck still slowly pulls his arms forward, settling them on Chris' shoulders instead. "You didn't have to come, it was enough to hear-" God, he's _still _crying. "To hear he is okay. I'm sorry."

"Why do you keep saying sorry?" Chris slowly asks, hands still clenched into Buck's shirt. He faintly registers that it's soaked through with cold sweat and he makes a face. 

"Good question, niño. Why _ are _ you apologizing?" Buck blinks in surprise when Eddie reaches out to gently wipe more tears away with his thumb. "You have nothing to apologize for, Buck, everything's okay."

"But it's _ not _ ." He looks from Eddie to Chris with pained eyes. "Eddie, I- I _ lost _him. I _ lost _him. I didn't know where he was for _hours_. He was _gone_. Everything could have happened to him, I-"

The hand on his cheek presses firmer, turning him to look at Eddie again. "But he's fine. See?"

"I am!" Chris quickly nods, moving back to latch onto Buck's neck, his own arms automatically pulling him close again. "I am. You kept me safe."

"See, Buck, Christopher is-"

"But what if he wasn't?" Buck shudders, his nightmares running rampant behind his eyes. "What if he _ wasn't_."

Eddie lets out a sigh and stands up. He doesn't leave, like Buck thinks for a second, hands instinctively tightening around Christopher to keep him close. No, instead he shucks off his jacket and his shoes. "Chris, niño, lie down next to Bucky would you?"

Christopher instantly moves beside him and lies down. Buck immediately misses the safety of his presence, of knowing that _he_'_s _safe in his arms. But he watches Eddie turn towards his dresser, pulling something out. "What-"

"Shh, it's okay." Wiping a gentle hand once more over Buck's cheeks, Eddie grabs the hem of his shirt and pulls it up and over his head. Buck lets out a confused squeak but lets the man wrestle him into a clean one. Eddie then grabs the blanket, that Buck only now realises fell down on the floor sometime during his sleep, and pulls it over the both of them. "Lie down. You can keep him close, make sure he's fine." Relieved, but still confused, Buck lies down, Chris immediately snuggling up to him. 

"Eddie?" His breath hitches a little when he feels Eddie move in behind him. An arm curls over the both of them and he feels himself being pressed against Eddie's chest, his heart thumping wildly against his ribcage. "Why-"

"Listen." Eddie's other arm moves under the pillow, staying right underneath Buck's head. "I can't tell you how I would have reacted if I hadn't immediately seen Chris behind you. I can't tell you what I would have said and quite honestly, even thinking about it makes me panic, so I'm trying not to." Eddie squeezes Buck and Chris closer. "But what I know, is that you did everything you could to keep my son safe."

"You did." Chris whispers, tired and barely awake and Buck would probably cry again if there was anything left in him to produce tears. 

"Because I know _you_. And I know that you love Christopher, just as much as he loves you." A whimper escapes anyway and Buck presses his face into Chris' hair. Eddie moves even closer, anchoring him. He presses a kiss into Buck's hair in turn, who is finally able to relax. "He's fine, Evan. You both are." 

And for the first time in the night, Buck really feels safe. Slowly he settles into a dreamless sleep. And when he wakes up a few hours later, his headache is instantly soothed, knowing that Eddie and Chris are still with him.


End file.
